A Funeral Feast

Celebrating a loved one in the style he would have wanted

A bagel and lox spread that might be served following a Jewish funeral.

After my brother Michael died in March of 2022, I wrestled with what to serve for meal on the first evening of shiva, the seven-day mourning period that Jews customarily observe following the death of a loved one. It should be comforting, at least a little bit Jewish and include foods I knew my brother would have enjoyed. I think I ordered a few platters of sandwiches, fruits, salads, bagels and cookies and left it at that. Michael was always worried about his weight, but of course in this moment, when he was only there in spirit, it didn’t matter. He would have wanted us to find comfort in sharing food and memories. There had always been plentiful quantities of both at our family gatherings during happy times; there should also be plenty to eat when we were grieving.

Last week, we were again gathered to mourn a beloved member of our extended family, my cousin Hal (aka Harold) Feiger. Unlike Michael, Hal had left a detailed description of the kind of funeral he wanted, from the type of coffin he preferred (“plainest pine”) to the music he wished to be played (The Beatles, especially John Lennon’s “Imagine”) to the content of the eulogy: “Just don’t make it too serious…it should be more a celebration of my life than a sad ending.”

And when it came to food for the shiva, my cousin, a generous and skilled home cook famed for his holiday spreads, was very specific about the menu.

“Make sure there is plenty of good food, real bagels (not Noah’s), lox, whitefish and lots of nice cakes with Schlag (whipped cream).”

The bagels, lox and whitefish were taken care of via Boichik in Berkeley— and there were heaping platters of fruits, vegetables, hummus, pita and baklava from La Méditerranée, also in Berkeley. As for the cakes, I couldn’t resist—baking’s my bag.

When it came to Schlag, it’s really a roots food in our family. When I was growing up, many desserts were served “mit Schlag.” It was part of our German Jewish heritage that snowy swirls of whipped cream adorned pastries and often found their way into cups of coffee as well.

Apple strudel was something Hal loved, his sister Tina told me. As strudel is something I haven’t yet mastered, I bought some at the Viktor Benês Bakery at our local Gelson’s Market. It was perfect “mit Schlag.”

Pound cake is also a kind of roots food in my family. I made the recipe that was said to be Elvis’s favorite. You can read about it and find a recipe here.

As is the tradition in our family, whether in times of joy or sadness, the food must always be plentiful and never run out—nor will the stories about Hal, who was devoted to his faith, his family and his progressive beliefs. He was also a successful real estate broker, an avid skier, a sexy dancer (along with his wife Diana), and a daring prankster who got away with a few political shenanigans that would have gotten other less lucky mortals in deep trouble (nope, I’m not telling, but here’s a hint!). When Hal loved something, he liked to say it was “yawsome” because he thought awesome too much of a cliché.

Hal was also a lover of hats and looked dashing in them. I’m pretty sure he introduced me to the Beatles and the Rolling Stones. He always seemed a lot more hip than the rest of his younger cousins.

Hal aspired to be what his parents, my Aunt Ilse and Uncle Phil, hoped he would be—a mensch. And he longed for a peaceful world like the one John Lennon sang about in “Imagine.” And honestly, I could get on board with that, especially given what’s going on right now.

Have you given any thought to what kind of food you’d like served at your funeral? I know I haven’t—or hadn’t until now. I’d love to know your thoughts.

As always, thanks so much for taking the time to read RuthTalksFood. I’m grateful for your likes, comments, shares and subscriptions.

See you next time.

Ruth