I'm so sorry for your loss, Ruth. I loved reading this tribute to his life and spirit! I haven't given any thought to funeral food. I guess it would probably be a rinfresco, coffee with Italian pastries, or apertivo, depending on the time of day. I suppose I should give it a little thought...
Thanks, Lolly! Perhaps you are a little young to give this any thought. I certainly never did--until I had to. Death was kind of hidden from us as children as though it might be catching or something. I wasn't even allowed to go to my grandmother's funeral. But this experience in which my cousin gave detailed instructions about what he wanted served at his was kind of an eye opener. For some people, it's a big deal. For others, they just want it over and done with as quick as possible.
A lovely tribute to Hal. I love that the celebration of his life included the foods he loved - they are such a big part of our memories. I always say that I want people to drink champagne and eat cake at my funeral!
Thank you, Mark! You’re so right about food as a great lubricant, whether in good times or bad. It’s filling a basic human need, while promoting another—a sense of community, essential to comfort and healing.
I hope you do top the pie with some Schlag. I’m sure you’ll be glad you did. And by the way, I make my whipped cream the same way as your mom, adding a little confectioner’s sugar, plus a drop or two of vanilla extract. It’s mighty good!
I've always thought that food is such a lubricant for people when they are dealing with a loss. After reading your Substack, I admire how you weave family , tradition and food into so much of this. Small snackables allow us to be engaged and remember (and not just retreat to our corner). Your writing here reminds me of the importance -- thank you. Thank you also for adding a new word to my vocabulary. My Mom preferred to whip her own cream with a bit of confectioner sugar rather than the can. Next time we have pumpkin pie, I cannot wait to offer a dollop of schlag.
Awesome isn’t just overworked - it’s been completed transmuted. “Would you like cream in your coffee?” “Yes, please.” “Awesome.” It’s been vitiated to the level of “OK”. Similar thing happening to “perfect”. “Would you like salad or potatoes with your entree?” “Salad” “Perfect”. It’s THE go-to word for restaurant servers these days. My view is that it would be perfectly awesome if these words could go back to their original meaning!
My cousin Hal would have enjoyed your comment about the overuse of awesome, Crowden. I’m completely in accord with returning these words to their original meaning—including wonderful. But perhaps there are too few of us who are filled with wonder to justify the change, though I hope not! Thanks for your comment.
Thank you for sharing your sweet family story. I'm sorry about the loss of your cousin Hal; how interesting that he left detailed instructions for how his funeral should be.
Thanks also for the link to your pound cake recipe with your article about how you developed it, which I thoroughly enjoyed. I can relate to the way you did research in several books to create the perfect pound cake. I have quite a few of Maida Heatter's cookbooks. Her recipes were so well written.
Thank you, Faye! I’m so glad you enjoyed the pound cake piece. I always think of my mom when I make them because they were such staples in her baking repertoire. I think the Maida Heatter recipe is an improvement on Mom’s (I hope that’s not a sacrilege, but it’s true), but my mother was the original inspiration.
Sounds like a man who lived life with elan...it's a generous tribute to have relatives take such care with the food the way you would have. You gave us another human story!
What a beautiful tribute to your cousin Hal. It’s lovely to hear about his life and favourite foods. My sister has given strict instructions that we drink ‘good’ champagne at her funeral, but I’ve never thought about what food I would like at mine. Probably cakes with nuts or citrus, since they are my favourites.
Thanks, Marg! Champagne sounds like a good choice, as do cakes with nuts or citrus. I also hadn’t given much thought to what should be served at this moment either—not really an easy subject for most of us, but I guess Hal’s choices would be fine with me too. You really can’t go wrong with familiar foods designed for comfort and sustenance.
Ruth, I've never thought about food for my funeral. I appreciate you asking this question and thank you for sharing your traditions and feast. Hal sounded like an amazing person and my condolences to you and yours.
Since neither food or Shrivas were part of my tradition I found this very interesting. For me, I'll rake your baking while I'm still alive to enjoy it. Lol.
It is an interesting tradition, but I’m with you, Judy—always glad to share my baked goods with you, with or without Schlag and well before any shiva is scheduled!😘
Thanks so much, Karen! What a coincidence that your mom was named Ilse. All five siblings had German names in that family, including my dad, who changed his name from Werner to Vernon during the war. And yes, you guessed right re my cousin.
Funeral foods are so interesting, aren’t they? I just shared a piece about the foods we traditionally eat at Minnesota funerals , and the more people have reached out to me on the topic, sharing their funeral foods, the more I’ve come to appreciate the way comfort is offered and accepted in times of loss.
This is such a poignant and joyful celebration of your dear cousin Hal—I’m so sorry for your loss, Ruth. The food looks beautiful, the Elvis pound cake, and everything is better with cream. Thinking of you and your family. ❤️
I'm so sorry for your loss, Ruth. I loved reading this tribute to his life and spirit! I haven't given any thought to funeral food. I guess it would probably be a rinfresco, coffee with Italian pastries, or apertivo, depending on the time of day. I suppose I should give it a little thought...
Thanks, Lolly! Perhaps you are a little young to give this any thought. I certainly never did--until I had to. Death was kind of hidden from us as children as though it might be catching or something. I wasn't even allowed to go to my grandmother's funeral. But this experience in which my cousin gave detailed instructions about what he wanted served at his was kind of an eye opener. For some people, it's a big deal. For others, they just want it over and done with as quick as possible.
Thanks, Clarice!😘
Hal sounds like a delightful man. And the food you made in his honor is a fitting tribute to him!
A lovely tribute to Hal. I love that the celebration of his life included the foods he loved - they are such a big part of our memories. I always say that I want people to drink champagne and eat cake at my funeral!
Thanks, Julia! Champagne and cake sounds like a marvelous way to celebrate a life. I hope you’ll get toasted with both for many years to come!🥂🍰
Thank you, Mark! You’re so right about food as a great lubricant, whether in good times or bad. It’s filling a basic human need, while promoting another—a sense of community, essential to comfort and healing.
I hope you do top the pie with some Schlag. I’m sure you’ll be glad you did. And by the way, I make my whipped cream the same way as your mom, adding a little confectioner’s sugar, plus a drop or two of vanilla extract. It’s mighty good!
I've always thought that food is such a lubricant for people when they are dealing with a loss. After reading your Substack, I admire how you weave family , tradition and food into so much of this. Small snackables allow us to be engaged and remember (and not just retreat to our corner). Your writing here reminds me of the importance -- thank you. Thank you also for adding a new word to my vocabulary. My Mom preferred to whip her own cream with a bit of confectioner sugar rather than the can. Next time we have pumpkin pie, I cannot wait to offer a dollop of schlag.
Awesome isn’t just overworked - it’s been completed transmuted. “Would you like cream in your coffee?” “Yes, please.” “Awesome.” It’s been vitiated to the level of “OK”. Similar thing happening to “perfect”. “Would you like salad or potatoes with your entree?” “Salad” “Perfect”. It’s THE go-to word for restaurant servers these days. My view is that it would be perfectly awesome if these words could go back to their original meaning!
My cousin Hal would have enjoyed your comment about the overuse of awesome, Crowden. I’m completely in accord with returning these words to their original meaning—including wonderful. But perhaps there are too few of us who are filled with wonder to justify the change, though I hope not! Thanks for your comment.
Thank you for sharing your sweet family story. I'm sorry about the loss of your cousin Hal; how interesting that he left detailed instructions for how his funeral should be.
Thanks also for the link to your pound cake recipe with your article about how you developed it, which I thoroughly enjoyed. I can relate to the way you did research in several books to create the perfect pound cake. I have quite a few of Maida Heatter's cookbooks. Her recipes were so well written.
Thank you, Faye! I’m so glad you enjoyed the pound cake piece. I always think of my mom when I make them because they were such staples in her baking repertoire. I think the Maida Heatter recipe is an improvement on Mom’s (I hope that’s not a sacrilege, but it’s true), but my mother was the original inspiration.
Sounds like a man who lived life with elan...it's a generous tribute to have relatives take such care with the food the way you would have. You gave us another human story!
Thanks, Ellen! That means a lot.
What a beautiful tribute to your cousin Hal. It’s lovely to hear about his life and favourite foods. My sister has given strict instructions that we drink ‘good’ champagne at her funeral, but I’ve never thought about what food I would like at mine. Probably cakes with nuts or citrus, since they are my favourites.
Thanks, Marg! Champagne sounds like a good choice, as do cakes with nuts or citrus. I also hadn’t given much thought to what should be served at this moment either—not really an easy subject for most of us, but I guess Hal’s choices would be fine with me too. You really can’t go wrong with familiar foods designed for comfort and sustenance.
Ruth, I've never thought about food for my funeral. I appreciate you asking this question and thank you for sharing your traditions and feast. Hal sounded like an amazing person and my condolences to you and yours.
Thanks for you condolences, Julie! It’s comforting to hear from so many people. 🤗
I’m so glad Ruth. You’re cooking and baking must be a real treasure to your loved ones.
Thanks, Julie! I hope so.
Since neither food or Shrivas were part of my tradition I found this very interesting. For me, I'll rake your baking while I'm still alive to enjoy it. Lol.
It is an interesting tradition, but I’m with you, Judy—always glad to share my baked goods with you, with or without Schlag and well before any shiva is scheduled!😘
I am sorry for your loss, Ruth. Your cousin sounds like he was quite a guy. Did he throw the pie?!
Thanks, Vicki! I’m allowing readers to draw their own conclusions re the pie-throwing incident, but I believe you nailed it. 😉
We also had desserts mit Schlag. And my mother’s name was Ilse. So many similarities. And I am guessing your cousin was the pie guy?!
Condolences and may his memory be a be a blessing.
Thanks so much, Karen! What a coincidence that your mom was named Ilse. All five siblings had German names in that family, including my dad, who changed his name from Werner to Vernon during the war. And yes, you guessed right re my cousin.
My dad’s middle name was Werner!
What a wonderful tribute!
Funeral foods are so interesting, aren’t they? I just shared a piece about the foods we traditionally eat at Minnesota funerals , and the more people have reached out to me on the topic, sharing their funeral foods, the more I’ve come to appreciate the way comfort is offered and accepted in times of loss.
Thanks for sharing your funeral food story.
Thanks, Lori! Can’t wait to read it!
This is such a poignant and joyful celebration of your dear cousin Hal—I’m so sorry for your loss, Ruth. The food looks beautiful, the Elvis pound cake, and everything is better with cream. Thinking of you and your family. ❤️
We too, Ruth
Thanks, Jolene! It’s been quite a year so far. Totally agree about everything being better with cream!🤗💕